My heart is truly at home. I just got back from home after a four day vacation after not seeing them for 5 months. FOUR DAYS! that is never enough time to spend at home. It was only enough to taste freedom and then have it taken away.
Being back here just takes the life out of me. I have always been ok with leaving home to come back to the place where I work. But this time, I have never wanted to just get off of the plane and leave everything behind so much in my life. It makes me wonder why I do this to myself. Why I chose to move away from home in the first place. I can always go back, I know. But once you start working in the real world, it becomes ‘when’ is the next time I can go back.
I have obligations now that I can’t just run away from. But the thought of coming back here, leaving my family that I love to go back to a job that I hate seems so wrong. And the fact that I have no one here. No family, except my friends up here. Yes, I missed my friends and it makes it better to have at least friends to come back to. But I have nothing else to look forward to. All my other friends have significant others to come back here to be with, to let their heart settle on a little piece of peace for their heart. But I have nothing here. I don’t want to be here. I really do hate being here. Never have I hated being here so much in my life. It makes me so sad.
It’s a lonely feeling. I feel so homesick after just coming from home. How is that right? I have to go back to work tonight. I have dreaded this day ever since I got on the plane to go back home. In four days, I knew I would have to do this same shit over again. And my boss had call me while on my vacation to ask if I could cover an extra couple hours at work. HELL NO! not this week of work. I cannot even fathom going back to work to do my regular shift.
I’m crying on the inside, and it hurts so much to put up this front like nothing is wrong when I am so alone, so homesick, so deeply saddened by this whole situation.
But I am so thankful that i got to see my family at least for a little bit. I got to spend Christmas with all of them and it was really great to see everyone like I used to when I was in college with month long breaks. I miss those times so much.
Makes me think if I should move home and find a job there. Then I can be with my family all the time. But I know that I am not ready and eventually after being there for a while will make me tired and regret my decision. I moved away for a reason and I know it was the best decision for me. And for that, I have to reap the consequences, good and bad. I know I will be back eventually, but for the mean time, I sit here and wallow in my depression until life goes back to the way it used to be and I was fine with being alone.
I need to get out of here or my mind will explode! I should be relaxing and preparing my mind for the biggest exam of my life tomorrow. But instead, I am trapped in a place with irritants that is making me stressed. I need to leave.
For the longest time, I have waited for you… waited for a chance with you. And when I finally have a chance, we run out of time. Something happened on the last possible day, the last possible moment. I’ve always felt like I could never catch a break with you. Something always seemed to be in the way, whether it be unavailability or just bad timing. As much as it kills me to be left with pieces of what could have been, I do not regret what little time and what little memories we made together. I just wish you were here with me.
Being sick is not fun. Missing everything and life passes you by, and your schedule just gets pushed back and postponed.
Annoyed with this illness that I’ve been fighting for a week already. I spiked a fever again. I thought I was done with the fevers. Acetaminophen must have been working then.
Despite my irritations, I am very grateful that I only have a really bad cold/flu/fever. I could have it worse and there are others who are worse off than me. There whole world gets turned upside down, but only my week got disturbed. Kudos to them.
Defriending me on Facebook… That’s really mature. And if you were going to do that, why didn’t you do it earlier when it first happened? Well, it’s alright, you did me a favor by showing me that I don’t need you in my life anyway. I don’t ever see you in person, so I guess that was the last thing keeping us connected. But one burned bridge won’t stop me from traveling on my journey of life. Good luck with yours.
Went out tonight and had a pretty great time. I forgot what it was like to go out and just be free to do whatever I want. But I find that I just want someone to fill the void, to just make me forget and not let me think about him again, not to let me think that I’m okay only to have myself digress. I just want someone else to replace the thoughts in my head with happy ones.
Currently going through a break up. This song speaks truth. We were just not meant to be. Our relationship was just too turbulent and it came to the point where we were not making each other happy anymore. We have had amazing times together. But when the bad outweighs the good, that’s when you know that things are not the same and they never will be. It’s that point where I had to say that it’s the end. It was a tough decision, but I did not see how things could have gotten better if we stayed with each other. We are just two very different people and we are better off separated. True story.
NEVER call a girl fat, directly or indirectly. NEVER say that her shirt makes her look fat. NEVER say that you would break up with her if she ends up reaching a certain weight. NEVER make her feel self conscious about her image because chances are, she already does on her own. She does not need you to tell her what is already not happy about.
If you’re in a relationship, it should not be about physical looks. That may be the reason why you began, but it should not be the reason that you stay.
Always watch what you say because if you say the wrong thing to someone, it will bother them to no end. Even if it was not your intention to hurt them, that simple word or phrase will replay in their mind over and over, and will hurt like they were being whipped over and over.
Watch what you say because you may end up offending someone and they may always see you in a negative light. Watch what you say.
It was not an issue before, but now it is. It is out in the open now, for us to see, for us to know that it is there, blaring at us straight in the face. How can it not be a problem now??
I do not feel like I should ever have to say that I’m jealous because if I do not think about it, it will not have time to formulate into something that will bother me. It will just fade into the nothingness that it is.
But now that it has become a topic of argument, I cannot help but let those nasty thoughts marinate in my mind and rise to fruition. Jealousy causes so many problems. It’s really not worth it at all, especially when we are trying to fight to keep a long distance relationship from sinking. We are already battling many barriers, we do not need another one.
In retrospect, I had a feeling this topic would come up sooner or later. It is normal in a relationship to happen. But I did not plan on jealousy’s grand entrance being so hostile, like a hurricane just came through. What is left are remnants of developing buildings that could have become tall and strong skyscrapers. All there is now are broken pieces. Where do we go from here? If we try to rebuild, will the buildings be what they once were? How I see it is, they can be pieced back together haphazardly and desperately to regain what once was, or they will be rebuilt stronger. What will it be for me?